in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
