i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
