i need an iv and a liver transplant
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize