last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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