you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
