Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
