Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
