he wants to bone in the snuggie
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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