I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
