Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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