Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
