I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
