Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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