matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
