I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
