I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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