So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
