the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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