dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
