we're chasing vodka with high fives
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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