im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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