I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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