nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
