And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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