Plan B is the new Plan A
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
