If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
