one might say we're banned from that church
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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