SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
