I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
