separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
