I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize