im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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