I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
