He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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