Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
