the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
