I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
COCAINE IS GR8
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
