I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
