I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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