May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
