she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
