How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
