Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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