dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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