Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
