so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
