I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
