I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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