I think I am morally bankrupt
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
