there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
