I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
