do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
