You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
