I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
