If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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