Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
