You can't motorboat a personality
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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