i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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