The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
