He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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