He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
