Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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