but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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