He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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