i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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