She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
