Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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