your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
