Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
