Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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