so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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