She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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