Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
