eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
