you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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