i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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