I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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